4 am

i dreamed i was shot. the guy, i knew. nice guy. don't know why he wanted to kill me, but maybe i deserved it. not sure how many times i was hit. once at least, in the lower back, right side. i hid behind a car door as he continued shooting, and finally he ran out of bullets. he cut me some with a knife, too, but somehow he lost it or i got it away from him, i don't remember. after that, he just wouldn't stay still and talk to me, or even listen. i finally got him to stop, and i tried to explain that i had to go drive myself to the hospital. people would ask how i got shot and i would have to tell them, and then it would be bad for him. i wasn't angry, just concerned for him. then he saw some blood on my arm he grabbed it and began to suck it like a vampire or something, i was so repulsed i jerked my arm away and yelled, "jeezus! are you crazy?" and then i wondered if he was HIV.

i must have passed out. when i woke up it was night, and i was in the middle of a street. a car drove right by me and then backed into a driveway. a lady got out and came over to help me. i managed to stand up and say, "i need for you to drive me to the hospital...i've been shot." she said something about we couldn't take her car because dinner was in it. i guessed she meant it was full of groceries, but didn't have the energy to ask. i handed her a keyring with several keys on it and said "i don't know which key it is. it's not my car." we got into a small sedan and she began to drive. i was in the passenger seat, turned over on my left side to keep from pressing weight on the wound. she began to talk, asking me questions, i think to keep me awake. she asked me who my doctor was, and which pharmacy i use. i told her. she asked if i had any children, and i told her "one daughter still at home." and then she asked if my daughter was a good student, a "5.0 or 6.0 grade point?" which didn't make sense to me, because i thought gpa's only went up to 4.0. but i wasn't sure, so i just said "she makes A's and some B's" to which she remarked "oh, so 4.0 then?" i was getting woozy again and i kind of mumbled "yeah, she tries."

by now it was daylight, and we were blocked by traffic and couldn't move. she asked me if i was in a lot of pain. i said "no, it's not that bad. mostly just an ache. i'm not even sure how many times i was hit. at least once, near the kidney." i looked at the cars that blocked us and wished there was some way around, but i guess there was none. i looked over at her. she was calm, and pretty, and exactly what i needed at that moment. somehow i was calm, too. "thank you for stopping to help me. i know that must have been scary -- strange man, all bloody, middle of the night, you alone..." she just smiled as if to say 'it's okay, glad i could help'. pretty lady. nice lady.

i looked through the windshield at the traffic jam, and at a long-haired girl doing handsprings in the street. i felt an urge to just get out and walk the rest of the way, but by now i wasn't sure i could stand. even the effort of keeping my eyes open was getting to be too much. as i drifted off, i wished that i had asked her to please stay with me. i would really like it if she could just stay with me...