flying

last night i dreamed i could fly. not like dreams before, when i could fly but was afraid...afraid of falling, plummeting, crashing back to earth. this time... this time i could just -- fly. i climbed, and dived, outstretched my arms and soared in the bright blue sky. as i looked down i could see the ocean and the sand, and the trees. that's where i found you, beside a tree. i came down and was happy with disbelief, that i found you in all the world. you turned and went into your house and i followed, and your mother was home. the three of us sat on stone steps beside a pool, i on your left and she on your right. then you and your mother both began to bathe from the pool, cupping the cool water in your hands and washing your shoulders, arms and breasts. though i desired to watch you, for the modesty of your mother i turned my face away and laid my head on my knees. as you went on bathing, your mother spoke to you and i listened. she reminded you of things you knew, that i was different, that if your father came home and found me there it would be bad for you, that it would be better if i went away quickly and never returned. you didn't answer, but i could tell that you felt it too. i sat there still, waiting for the next words, but none came. my gaze was fixed on the stone wall, like the wall between us that i could never break down. i didn't cry, but my hope died. i knew it was true, always knew...always...we both had used that word, and now i wonder what it means.