forgotten

went for a walk yesterday. said a prayer for someone i've never met, and said one for you too. don't know if God accepts my prayers anymore. so far away, it's all i can do. seems so...small, nothing. those of us that wait for words, we ache and ache, and never know if it will ever stop. we walk around numb, and wonder when our lives will begin. is it so much we ask? how are we to know, is it time to move on, or hang on? so we just go on, carry on, stumble on and crumble into life. the days seem to drag, but then we see that they have flashed by like windows on the tram, and we could never catch a glimpse of the one face we longed to see. somebody tell me, are we forgotten here? is no one coming back for me? i thought someone would, hoped they would. thought i meant something to them... they meant so much to me...meant everything to me.

poison

to say that love is a rose is the most tired cliche. but true even so. not a thing to be grasped. behold the beauty, smell the fragrance, perhaps caress the velvet petals. but appreciate it for awhile, allow one moment for a gentle touch, then move on. seems to be the best way, if i only could. i always fail, though, and ruin what was best in my life, the one thing i was not ashamed of in me. take a fond memory, hurl it against the wall and watch the broken pieces scatter. feel sick in my heart to know i can never piece it back together, can't take back the anger, and can't be anything but what i am...poison to the soul.

river

each day i get a little more used to not hearing from you.
part of me is glad for you, and the rest is sad for me.
but my life has been wasted
and yours shines so bright...you shine...

the blues play in my heart,
and i sing them low,
a melancholy rythm
that the strings seem to know.

tempers rise, and then they fall.
still i'm frozen here.
try to be right, try to be strong,
try to be kind, try to be...someone else.

the river drew us close for a moment,
but now it's current pulls us apart.
"though time and distance and circumstance..."
i can't fight it anymore, unless...you ask me to.

powder

they say i'm like powder, and the smallest spark can start a big explosion. maybe so. but now that it's blown, feels like the blast was all inside my chest. tomorrow is supposed to be a good day for me, but right now i just don't feel up to it. they say that running away is something i do alot, and i feel like doing it right now. but no place to go, nowhere i can be... they say i've done no one any favors by staying, so what the hell? people can't make up their damn minds, so why should i feel bad about it? i was sure that something better was coming, but i don't know, maybe i missed it. felt it for awhile, and wished i could go on feeling it. but everything fades, everything drifts. wish i could lay in the sand and hear the waves crash, smell the salt in the air. a thousand miles from that, though, and ten thousand from where i want to be. no chance, no hope.