deep space

i tried hard to concentrate. as if it would help. is this living? or dying...how can you tell?

i opened my eyes and saw her, still asleep, with early afternoon light coming through the curtains enough to light her face. i thought to myself, she's pretty. pretty face, kept a decent figure. respectable, virtuous, not a conniver or a schemer. i'm lucky... i should be grateful. sometimes i am.

when i had my regrets, at least i knew who i was. i had pain, but at least i knew why. now i walk around empty and numb. i had hope, but i lost it, when reality kicked in. every dream i had is dead, so why am i still alive?