limit of grace

when we kiss, she ends it.
she tells me about men who find her attractive,
"not to make you wonder"
but i wonder,
"are you attracted to them?"

anyone would say
i got what i deserved.
i don't deny it.
she must have felt this way
ten thousand times.

and what were those prayers i said?
"let her find someone who makes her happy..."
God's sense of humor floors me.
or maybe it's not humor, maybe it's just irony,
to prove that i don't know what to ask for.

perhaps i should have prayed on,
"and when she finds him, let him be me."
but as i said, i had enough chance,
had enough time, had enough grace.
i got what i deserved.